Monday, August 4, 2014

Wishful thinking I be eczema free by Feb 2013! Healing does happen but a later date.

Was worried to update my condition for the longest time worrying I may jinx myself. In the past after I announced I was healed, my next round of flare would surprised me. My 3rd flare ended April 2014 that lasted as long and equally as painful as the last 2. My 3rd flare, I ceased all supplements and moisturizer. I limited my baths as it was drying out my skin.

During my 3rd flare I completely lost faith living and I could not see myself physically and mentally through go through another flare after this nether could I resonate with the words "You will see the light at the end of the tunnel".

I was also living in a negative space dealing with the past and stuck in a home I wasn't welcomed anymore. So I chose to leave NY. I swore many times I would never take another flight while I am flaring. Cold dry air, irregular body temperature, ooze sipping through my clothes and trying hard not to scratch wasn't the only the obstacles. I had to drink lots of water to combat the dry air at a high altitude and visiting the lavatory often. Once I am in the lavatory, I would not stop crying and neither could I stop scratching myself to pieces. And I totally set myself up for panic attacks. My longest flight was 24 hours and total journey was 30 hours. Sent me 16 days bedridden right after.

Anyways I made it to Playa Del Carmen, Mexico. My first week was a struggle as I was getting myself situated and I was all alone. 2nd week, I started visiting the crowded beach. Was too raw and embarrassed to enter the water fully clothed. By 3rd week, I made my way into the water. Is either I do or die, I didn't have a bathtub at my new place and Epsom or Dead Sea Salts are no where to be found in Yucatan area.

My skin began to heal from the sun and salt water but I was not confident this was over. I still could not enjoy my day to day activities. I would constantly look at my skin for any slight changes. I traumatized myself over worrying and anticipating for another flare. One day I was introduced to Jurema a ritual similar to Ayahuasca. The ritual helped me to gain sight of my condition and purpose of my life. My fear of TSW was meaningless and my panic attacks diminished. I took the courage to leave Mexico and do things I missed out during my withdrawal.

I not only see the light, I "felt" the light at the end of the tunnel. Last week, for the first time in over 2 years I could wear a bra and no one could tell I went through hell with my skin. I am living a normal life and eating foods that I was allergic to according to my skin prick and patch tests.

FYI my last flare a month ago was very minor, I would say microscopic. I had it on both inner arms and my stubborn area which is my right areola (never applied TS or immunosuppressant creams). My right inner arm did burn for 24 hours. I was surprised at this stage I was burning but glad to know that the burning was an indication of TSW. The one thing I couldn't live without is the sun of the beach! I have taken up a new hobby(Diving) and I am also back in the pool swimming every other day!

I am now steroid free for 23 months and 18 months free of synthetic drugs!
I have also started a closed group on Facebook titled "Stop Topical Steroids. Start Healing."