Friday, October 11, 2013

Watch your thoughts.

I have been so proud of how I healed before my 1 year anniversary off roids. I posted on Facebook bragging this can be done in less than a year and gave tips on how I get over it so QUICKLY. I also planned what I should do and where I should live to avoid the cold weather approaching. I was so positive that my skin is feeling so normal that another flare is NEVER EVER coming back.

Is it true that what you think is what you become? Well every time I think for the best, it just doesn't seem to go that way. This is my 3rd flare after 3 months break. I feel defeated before this battle even begins. My mood is off the chart being a cry baby and a bitch. I had to start all over explaining my condition to friends and convinced them this is still part of TSW even I had 3rd doubt about it.  Well I doubt it the 2nd time during my 2nd flare.
How is this even possible after everything was so normal and the next day, it felt like the outer layer of your skin is stripped away and leave me so sensitive to any physical contact including the softest cotton that I been wearing all these time?

My breasts are back oozing and dripping with yellow fluid and my entire chest area and around my breasts are covered with combination of welts and tiny pimply dots. The pimply itchy dots are filled with colorless fluid. When they burst after scratching, you feel the hardened "millet seeds".

This has spread to my fold of my right arm, behind my right knee, scalp and my face in the past 2 days. My right elbow is hurting from what feels like arthritis.

Tell me how should I watch my thoughts when I am strongly believe I was getting better and this NEVER ever can happen? I am resentful towards people that preach what you think is what you become. They know what I went through and how positive I was the last 3 months and how I progressed and now this is my fault because my thoughts manifested to make this flare happen.





Back of my right knee, picture don't do justice how I feel

7 comments:

  1. Don't beat yourself up, my friend. If you check out the itsan forum you will see that most of the vets, myself included, had a bad rebound at the 11 month mark.

    For me it was awful, like te bottom had dropped out of my world after being so well for so long. I was back to oozing again. Yuk.

    In my case, the "second wind" lasted for several months, before finally breaking at about the 18 month mark when I went through another good skin phase.

    We never know what is round the corner with TSW and it is always wise to be cautious when it comes to saying we are healed.

    It looks painful and my thoughts are with you now. Please never give up. This is a bad patch but you WILL get through it just like I did. Stay strong and take one day at a time. Xoxoxo

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  2. Thank You Louise! Hope you are well!

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  3. I used to have those rashes on my boobs! I never used TS/protpic on those areas, since I stopped TS in june they started to appear. I also thought I have some sort of cancer ( ig oogled rashes on breast, the cancer appeared) went to the derm to have ti check and said it was eczema. I even thought It was scabbies. Derm instructed me to use elidel. I used it 1x and found about my pregnancy and stopped everything. These rashes clumped together, very itchy and burn like hell. Now they‘re just discolored.

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  4. 1st breast surgeon guessed Paget's Disease and made me panic and had to go for 2nd opinion which 2nd breast surgeon prescribed Lidex(TS) even after I told and showed him the rest of my body going through withdrawal. Who should I trust? Finally went for mammo last 2 weeks before my 3rd flare. My breasts are fine. phew! This oozing has been going on since Feb/March 2012. I applied very little TS, Protopic and Elidel only on my left areola. Both areolas esp the right never once applied any of those above mentioned creams took the worst beating! My poor boobs so inflamed right now. When I get the chills, my areolas swelled up with pus seeping through the cracks like an active volcano waiting to erupt. Walking is painful besides my arms rubbing against the sides of my breasts provoking those little itchy red bumps. Hope you having a flare free day and more to come!

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